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Giving thanks ... on paper

The art of the handwritten expression of gratitude.

By Elizabeth Sharp

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Imagine spending hours roaming department store aisles, searching for the perfect gift for your newly engaged friend. You finally settle on something you’re sure she’ll like, debate the merits of pink and brown polka dot paper vs. plain white paper with the gift-wrap lady, and then walk out of the store beaming with excitement. You simply can’t wait to go to the engagement party and present your special find.

Weeks — and then months — pass without a single word from your friend. Paranoia sets in. Maybe the gift-wrap lady was right; you shouldn’t have chosen the polka dot paper. Did your friend like the gift at all?

In the age of mass text messages and e-mail invites, the art of the handwritten thank-you note might seem antiquated. But there are times when handwritten expressions of gratitude are not only appropriate, but also required — particularly if you don’t want to come across as a cad.

“When you take time to sit down and write a thank-you note that can be put in the mail, you’re personalizing it,” said Lindsey Woodward, 22, of Little Rock. “I know how much I appreciate it when somebody sends me a thank-you note. I want to give someone that same feeling.”

It’s been more than a decade since Molly Young’s mother gave her a box of note cards so she could thank friends and family for birthday presents. And the 25-year-old owner of Molly’s Paperie stationery shop in Little Rock still maintains that sitting down with paper and pen is the best way to express gratitude.

“You get a hundred e-mails a day,” she said. “How many times do you go home and have something handwritten in your mailbox?”

So, for what occasions — and to whom — should you send thank-you notes?

“Anything that takes a sacrifice on the other person’s end,” Woodward said.

That can mean everyone from those who give you birthday and wedding presents to those who bring over dinner when you’re sick to those who throw a party in your honor.

And, Young said, it is important to choose stationery fitting for the occasion.

For instance, if you’re sending a thank-you note for a wedding gift, pick something a little more formal. If you’re thanking your neighbor for watering your lawn while you were out of town, you can choose something more casual.

Regardless of the formality of the occasion or the stationery you’re using, timeliness is key.

“I usually try to send mine out within a week — two weeks at the latest,” Woodward said.

Since the time both before and after a wedding day tend to be hectic, Young said that newlyweds have a little more wiggle room. “You have six months from the time of your wedding [to send out thank-you notes] before it’s considered rude,” she said.

And although she’s a huge proponent of the handwritten thank-you note, Young said that there are occasions when shooting a quick e-mail is acceptable, such as when you attend a dinner party or a friend picks up the tab at lunch.

“It depends on the magnitude of the gesture,” she said.

But the most important factor in penning the perfect thank-you note — after timeliness — is making it personal. Don’t just say “thank you.” Young said to identify the specific gift they gave or service they offered and tell them what it means to you, like “We can’t start our day without a cup of coffee, so Rob and I will always think of you when we use these mugs.”

Woodward takes it a step further and said she hand crafts thank-you notes with the recipient in mind.

“I try to make them because it makes it even more personal,” Woodward said.

But whether you’re using cards out of a box or ones that you’ve made yourself, the gesture of giving thanks is all that matters.

“People are excited to get them, so start writing,” Young said.